how great is our God

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

long gone.

i wonder if anyone still visits my blog.hah. looks like the last entry was, one yr ago. one year and..2 days? i'm not so sure what to do whenever i want to post something.. its kinda like a feeling of wanting to say stuff but not having a character to say it with...something to think about. oh well. this is a shout to ppl who still visit!tell me! so i can decide whether to keep it running. hah!

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Friday, March 02, 2007

02-03-07

i realised tat for the longest time, there's been this longing within me, that i cant help but want to spill out...but for some reason, its bottled up and wont come out. i guess ive hit the point in my life where im rediscovering the world and falling in love with all that it is.

'suddenly something that was, all at once, pain and longing and aodring had welled up in him, almost choking him. He wanted to tell someone, but he had no words, inarticulate in the pain and glory. It was long afterwards that he realised it had been his first aesthetic experience. That nameless something that stopped his heart was Beauty. Even now, 'bare branches against the sky' was his synonym for beauty.'

-anonymous(cant remember where i found this, but rest assured i am incapable of such amazing prose.)

i remember that saturday where i was in church studying alone, and wondering why its always the case that there's no one there when i gotta study, but everyone there when i dont. anyway, aaron stopped me at the lift for a talk, and the words he spoke to me seemed to linger on even up till now. " i want you to fall in love with God, till you cannot love Him any more than you do."
ii''m sure that thats impossible, cos God is Himself so beautiful that i dont think i can ever 'max out' loving him. but more than that, i guess i cant trust myself either to love him so consistently that i can reach that maximum.

there's sth i've been learning about God, and that is that He cares for my heart. i apologize to those who thru others have come to the conclusion that Christianity is all about being 'holy' and doing the right thing..or being a good person. even saying it reminds me that im not the first to discover that this is not the case. i guess all God wants for us is to "act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God". how can i even talk about it without making it sound like a 'must'! indeed it is, yet the choice is ours. but when you come to see it, you can only cry out 'i want to fall in love with you, i want to fall in love with you.'

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Saturday, October 14, 2006

hello again

its been a long time since i've really posted anything, ahahah..cos well i dont have much time and i kinda dont like to spend too much time online..its been so bad, my email account go shut down...so if u r reading this blog and u have emailed me, forgive me cos i prob lost all your emails to me!!!=(
anyway, to all who are waiting to know wats up with me, well im now in OCS..yup..i shant say much(cos these walls have ears)//heh but anyway i havr to say its very different there...and i just hope tt i can come out a better man..

speaking of man...i think somewhere along the way ive lost track of my goal to be "a man after God's own heart". think the desire is still there, though i dunnno why, but the fire has died down somehow..its kinda the feeling like..when ur running around, doing all sorts of stuff for Ns,church or yourself..you wana jus sit down and rest..but when u have the chance to, you kinda keep looking for sth to do cos' you're just not used to sitting still, or being still in God's presence. my greatest comfort now its really tt God will not love me any More or Less, simply cos His love is perfect, even when i'm not. im really relying on his grace to bring me thru this time in my life now..and i hope tt in future i can encourage my brothers who enter NS...yup..

right now, ive come to the conclusion that only a life dedicated to a cause is worth living..ive decided to give my life to serving God..or rather im convinced tt that is wat i wanna do...i guess the realising of that wont be as easy, but hey im a work in progress arent i?heh. a

anyways, a huge shout out to Dawn, Corrie, James, and all who are overseas..miss u guys a lot a lot...sorry i cant really mail u all..pretty busy nowadays.=) also to crystal , liting...im sorry i havent had a chance to meet up..believe me..i think of doing so every week..but time and gravity have teamed up against me for some strange reason. actually this shout out is to everyone tt hasnt heard from me for a long time, really hope by some divine intervention, we can meet up again soon..take care all. thats all for now. =)

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Monday, July 03, 2006

echoes

arms extended,
i've never seen boys cry before.
not at least since i stopped looking in the mirror.

i havent-
in a long while.
oh!how i long to feel the brokeness
that causes the heart's thin layer
to break
that causes me to collide with what i would,
what i would consider my true self.

if only i could take off
the coats that are worn,
to protect myself from the world's
harsh and erratic weather.

to walk around
like the universe was but my hotel room,
or my bedroom for that matter.
where my entire being
is less conscious of itself,
than a man is when
he says something that
breaks a woman's heart.

vulnerable's the word.
to who?
could be to you.
if you'd let me,
with arms extended,
looking into a mirror(which is you),
because you,
would be the thing to break my heart's thin layer
only to patch it up again
with your presence.

let me find you.

wow its been a while since i HAVE written a poem.hope it makes sense and that it doesnt look like one of those emo emo 'simple plan' stuff.(yeee) HOOYA!

jon

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Saturday, July 01, 2006

I'M BACK!!!!!!!!!!

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I'M BACK!!!!!!!!!!

i am so sorry guys that i havent been able to blog. just that Ns has been mad..not sure how khai bran and all the other guys are doing, but for kumar and i, our unit is pretty stringent in training, and i guess when im back, my natural inclination isnt towards coming online to blog!

but i just wanna ssay a big 'i miss you' to all who've dropped by my blog!i really do sit in bunk sometimes and think of the days where we'd just slack in the canteen pondering the decision whether to go AWOl for lectures thought for those of you who know cho- i would still end up going.hahahaha.

well,to give an update on the last 3 months(ITS BEEN 3 months?!?!?!?!?!) i've graduated from BMT and gone on to what is called the combat diving course.shane reveal much except that well...the course drives your mental and physical to the max limits-prob tha of which i never knew i could reach.haha..im really doing fine,cept' that its taken me a long long time to get used to booking in and out. as you all know...im a guy who loves to stay at home.. and well camp isnt exactly home. but i really want to give thanks to God cos He has provided friends, Christian and Non- Christian, both showing me that they love me and want me around... and i guess that sort of 'male-bonding' is sth ive been missing out on(no offence girls) and i guess God is showing me that male friendships dont have to be superficial, they can be real though often i prefer to share ,my problems with girls cos ive always thought them to be more understanding...but ive learnt and seen that really most guys,if not all hsrae the same fears, have the same hearts, desires(and im talking about pure clean ones) and the same sort of drive to protect, be strong, and the best.. and i guess NS is God's way of letting me get more in touch with the man that He wants me to become...what Stu Weber would call a "tender warrior"..

well, God has been taking me on a big roller coaster... and to have to like summarise what He's done for me, been doing and is doing is quite impossible...im not saying this in the sense that all has been going right for me...alto ive been blessed in so many ways..esp the way God has strengthened me during our beloved 'te-kan' sessions, where im holding a push up position and thinking.. God is this your plan for me? and i always come back to the same gentle whisper(what i guess i'd call it) thats says...trust me. i guess at some points when the journey of your life seems to drag along...and you feel like you've been conned by life to believing that its all a routine...you need to take a step back and jus imagine the birthright given to us all...that which is the rightful owners of planet earth...children of God.. and i guess one thing ive been so struggling to believe is that God seeks me, more often than i seek Him...He is the one pursuing me? i mean..at this point.. im just hit by a lot of mew discoveries about life/God/everything..that i cant see how i can learn to be 'getting the hang' of the way to live...but all i know how to do now, is to just "walk humbly with God"... and to walk with the invisible Father anf friend of mine has to be the biggest thing in my life now..because when you take that step into camp, into training..no doubt friends will be by your side..but that truth is, its gonna be just you and God.you're on your own(with that invisible presence that sometimes breaks but fills your heart in the same powerful ways)...

hahaha, ok to make this a less philosophical entry..how are you guys anyway? i hope you still come to visit the blog and not given up on me! we must meet soon yA? and please do just tag and tell me how you're doing...try not to email..cos my account is more or less in a.....irredeemable state(is that even a proper word)...yea.hahahaha please do sms or call me if for some reason the name 'cho' stirs in your heart, and you suddenly remember this chubby chubby face and so deeply and strongly desire to see it again(or for some pinch it again)....please, do keep in touch. ive missed you all, am missing, and will continue to do so till the day i meet all of you again.

much love from cho(for what i am to each and everyone of you). " )

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Monday, March 27, 2006

i have to admit, my mood today isnt the best, cos well, i realised that im going into NS soon, i mean dont get me wrong... im looking forward to it(honestly im weird), its just that ive been feeling this sense of like, isnt ANYONE gonna miss me? it sounds super self centred and all, but i think that every individual feels this at some point or another. and i guess one of the thoughts that have crossed my mind is, where have all the JC friends gone?other than corrie, who well, thoough i dont show often, i think i really am glad is my existing "link" to JC life(of course, you're more than that la.)

i know everyone has been busy with schedules and all, which brings me to my next thought.. whats the rush in getting asimilated into "life" - the hustle and bustle, the working, getting into what ppl recognise as "thats life", and fortunately/unfortunately i have come to be convinced that life is more than that, and belief isn't that end of it, i'm gonna live my life different. of course, you might say, Hey who wants to work right? but i have to etc etc... i acknowledge that really, many are not as blessed as me, to have the support of parents, financially and in tha case of not wanting to work a few weeks before NS/UNI.. i guess i just feel that somehow when we humans try to pick something to run after, or follow or to be passionate about, it biols down to work- cos thats what society has created. i mean, just look at the hollywood movies and....WOO ok, i just recieved an sms from CMPB, adressing me by my NRIC number..SEE WHAT I MEAN!?!?!?!?!?! ok anyway, i was just saying that well, movies kinda always portray succesful men/women who are high flyers and stuff, and im not sure if that has been the kinda life that ppl have been running after. ok, up to this point, i kinda forgot what direction im heading in. dont get me wrong, im not some lazy guy who hates working. believe me, i ve had thoughts of wanting to relive econs tutorials(anyone got a no. for a good pyschiatrist?) and math lessons, for the sake of having some satisfaction in finishing an essay or question. but i think ive found sth better. the satisfaction which comes not simply by 'what is done', but 'why it is done'.

well, friends, wherever you are, i miss you a lot. i guess this is what it comes to after 12 years of education- we grow up, we have families, and friends perhaps are compatrmentalised into another group to which we need to feed regularly. maybe i miss jc not so much for the lessons, the cosine curves and money demand stuff, but mayb i miss it cos we attended the lessons together. i'm convinced that "life" isn't as bland as it is now. i just need time to figure out what iim gonna do bout it.

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Thursday, March 16, 2006

In the world but not of it

ok this has been my first post for some time... well recently, i havent been doing well for my Quiet time, and i guess my view of why i do it,etc etc has become a little bit 'wrong'... someone asked me, "did moses want to go free the israelites?"... my answer was no, but he obeyed God.. but still i wasnt comvinced that i had to do quiet time even though i didn't feel like it... it feels meaningless you know what i mean? its kinda like how you're obliged to go out with a friend. but then i realised that this isn't really obligation(to some extent it feels so), but its called Obedience. i think thats different.

i guess because i've been in this world too long(only 18 years and 7Months!) slowy without noticing it, i've(we've) unwillingly/willingly conformed to the ways and thoughts of this world. after reading a book called "the fear of the Lord" (am still reading by the way), i've realised that very often i have subjected God, and reduced His glory to one measured in terms of sinful man. In other words, an incorruptible God, His commands, and laws have been reduced to that of corruptible man.. its unfair if you think about it..its not just unfair, its kinda wrong. the kinda wrong such as walking past a little child picking food from the floor, and doing nothing about it.
sure, i think those who don't know God personally, or havent come to know Him at all would think this is a comment from some Holy-moley guy. but i know i feel that thinking that way is kinda as good as wanting to change the whole dynamics of existence, of life, of the world/universe, prob equivalent to trying to reverse time.

just imagine, the President of US, not even him, maybe just your favourite celebrity, or soccer star or you know wat, principal... if he were to step into your school, or ,mayb you're at a conference or sth.. i'm quite sure everyone would give that fella some due respect. but we havent really been doing that for God, or mayb we have, but subjecting Him the Glory, the holiness we 'imagine'( i.e. human glory) and we know humans aren't perfect(all the best to anyone who thinks he/she is perfect) and in other words, this glory we allude to God isnt perfect at all. He is the King of kings, Lord of lords, someone way above and hierachy, cos there is nobody who can challnege him, sure they can try, but if it were me, i wouldnt even dare thinking of it. He is the one who made the sunsets that we cannot even think of engineering, but instead can merely enjoy, and smile at with our loved ones. He made the sun, that gives us light so we won't crash or fall into things,yet finds the right time to conceal it to bring us the coolness of night- when all we can do is just take it in and say "hey, thats how the world works." well guess what?God is the one whose hand(notice i said hand, cos i think one arm is enough for God to accomplish this) is behind this. i mean NOBODy created God, He just simply exists. He said to Moses "I AM who I AM". have you ever met anyone who simply just exists, Because?just BECAUSE. even the greatest of humans couldnt be made unless their parents made plans to in the first place. i guess thats how awesome i think God is. and unfortunately, we, I havent been giving Him the Glory and love and praise and honor due His name.

after reading this, you'd may think, man, its a wonder how God would even allow me to be in the same place where He dwells, i havent given Him the respect at all!if i had done sth in disrespect of the principal, and she knew, i'd probably try to aviod her(you know what i mean?). but God who is completely and highly 100% capable of destroying us( or in IT terms, deleting us) He can. Now. but no.. i think its just amazing that He not only lets us carry on with our disgusting, sometimes shameful actions and thoughts, though its really hurts Him simply becuase He is not disgusting OR shameful, but instead He sacrificed someone to give us a chance to be made new. i mean, we didnt even ask for it. He did it automatically, on His own accord, out of love.Love.

I don't know about you, but i guess what i feel now is that out of a thankful heart,and even love for God's love for me, the least i can do is let Him continue loving me, and try to obey what He tells me to do. ok, mayb thats not the least i could do. i think the least would be just to let Him know i acknowledge Him, and just let Him into my life.well,thats me. i don't know about you.

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